Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Who died my cat blue again?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
