He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
