Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
