I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
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