i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I am one with the molecules
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
