found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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