Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
So vagazzling was a success
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