Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
