Me. At least after what I've been through.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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