my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize