And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
