Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
