Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
