i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
