Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
