Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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