My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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