peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Everclear isn't food dammit
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
