did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
