i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
