They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
