you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
