There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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