tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Is it penis luge time yet?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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