Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
