just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
