I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
