Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
