Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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