I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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