Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Semen is not good for contacts.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
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