My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
