Umm I'm too high to move.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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