i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
