well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
FUCK WHALES
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
