and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Randomize
