Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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