we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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