that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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