You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
