You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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