We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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