I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
