1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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