Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
