I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
