id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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