Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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