look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
