he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Randomize
