I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize