I'm sorry my penis didn't work
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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