I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
