did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
