the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
