I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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