Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
she pinky promised me she was 18
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Dicks are not precious.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize