next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
