oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
