just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
They took my balls.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
