in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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