Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
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