I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize