i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
