I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
