I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Randomize
