he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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