Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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