you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
