i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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