I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
