I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
