There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
