i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Randomize
